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There is no room for other characters in your marriage

By |2019-05-28T10:09:26+10:00June 15th, 2019|General|

There is no room for other characters in your marriage. What do I mean by that? Sometimes as a way of attempting to feel loved, we please others. And often we have learned, and we have adopted various behavioural strategies designed to get approval and love for what you need, often it can begin in childhood, continuing it into adulthood. These strategies, they become like roles that you play or characters or personality types that you act out, whether it's conscious or unconscious. I'm going to list and talk about the different character types that you may be acting out in your … Read More

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Change your way of thinking to create your empowered marriage

By |2019-05-28T10:03:23+10:00June 8th, 2019|General|

Have you ever stopped to notice your thoughts? The quality of your thinking reflects the quality of your life. If you have empowering thoughts, they will create a wonderful nourishing life with high self-esteem, resulting in you feeling fantastic about yourself. Alternatively, if your thoughts are critical of yourself and the people in your life, they will weaken you and in the long-term affect your self-esteem and the quality of your marriage. About Beliefs Your thoughts are based on your beliefs. Many beliefs are formed during the first seven years of life because we rapidly absorb what is going on around us … Read More

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Letting go of resentment in your marriage

By |2019-05-28T09:42:42+10:00June 2nd, 2019|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, Marriage Counselling, Self Esteem|

When you're feeling hurt about something in your marriage it can build up over time. It's lots of little resentments that have built up and built up and you feel that you've been wronged in some way. You’re not being heard, validated, perhaps you feel invisible and not important. They begin to multiply if they haven't been dealt with at the time resentment begins to build. Feelings under resentment can include anger, sadness, doubt, grief and many more emotions. Getting to a place where you can learn to stop feeling the resentment and instead feel gratitude, peacefulness and compassion is the pathway … Read More

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Do you have an elephant in the living room and self-esteem in your marriage?

By |2019-05-14T11:12:04+10:00May 25th, 2019|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, Marriage Counselling, Self Esteem|

Self-esteem is crucial to having an empowered marriage.  If you're traveling through life and we all are, each one of us we experience, thoughts and feelings and moments and memories. They all go towards building our personality, our perceptions and our behaviours. These experiences, help make us who we are, they influence the way we see ourselves in the world. If we have positive experiences, they help us feel accepted and happy within ourselves.  If we have negative experiences, they eat away at our confidence and self-worth, particularly the period between zero and seven. That time we are like little sponges and … Read More

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Secrets to a long-lasting empowered marriage

By |2019-05-14T10:56:09+10:00May 19th, 2019|Couples, Marriage Counselling, Self Esteem|

Here they are, the 5 secrets to a long-lasting empowered marriage: Have your own identity Be a team A balance between positive and negative Being equal Letting go of the expectations   Have your own identity:  be your own person. A lot of couples when they're working with me, we go back and look at the history: when they met and how they met. And for some people it's not always the case, but for some couples, those people who have just come straight out of home and got into a relationship struggle with this. Separating from the childhood home, the childhood … Read More

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Needy, Naggy and Controlling are very unattractive in marriage

By |2019-05-14T10:25:28+10:00May 12th, 2019|Couples, Marriage Counselling, Self Esteem|

This is very common, and I work a lot with this in my Counselling practice.  If this speaks to you then it’s about being honest with yourself if you have any of these behaviours. Needy:  Let’s look at needy and first place to start is to ask yourself, why am I needy? Where has it come from? It’s usually from the wounded part of you, the wounded child in you. You have many parts that make up you and your life. Your partner is part of that, but not all of it. So, respecting your partner's need for space is crucial. You … Read More

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Feeling emotional intimacy in your marriage

By |2019-04-05T11:01:34+10:00April 5th, 2019|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, Marriage Counselling|

Are you wanting more emotional intimacy in your marriage? Perhaps you are at a point where actually there's no intimacy whatsoever, you're more like flatmates, no deep emotional connection. You might be sleeping in different bedrooms, you might be sleeping in different houses. You may be in a marriage where it has been good for a long time. However, perhaps you've been under a lot of stress, a lot of pressure the last six months. There's so many different variables and you're not feeling as connected to your partner and it is on your mind. It's worrying you because once, intimacy goes … Read More

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Unmask the Resentment in your Relationship

By |2019-02-07T10:38:02+10:00February 7th, 2019|Counselling in the Redlands, Marriage Counselling, Self Esteem|

Having been in business for 11 years I would have to say resentment is so common and the most damaging behaviour to have in a relationship.  Resentment is an emotion that begins small and then builds and festers within you.  It’s often an accumulation of months and sometimes years of unexpressed negative emotions. Sometimes it manifests itself as boredom. Other times it manifests itself as a mild persistent annoyance. And other times it appears as a snarky comment, withdrawal of affection, or a judgmental comment. Resentment is an emotion that builds and festers in the background. It usually isn’t a feeling that just … Read More

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The 4 most damaging behaviors in relationships

By |2018-12-18T11:43:53+10:00December 18th, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, General, Self Esteem|

Criticism Defensiveness Contempt Stonewalling Criticism over time in a relationship will wear it down and erode it's self esteem. This behaviour doesn’t make for a happy relationship.   Criticism is when you globally wrong your partner.  For example, “you always ignore me in the afternoons” or “you never care about me.”  It’s an attack which says there is something globally wrong with your partner.  This is not supportive in a relationship and if it occurs regularly over time it is corrosive. Now there are times when feedback is necessary which is not criticizing but complaining.  Complaining is feedback and is not corrosive.  For … Read More

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Self-reflection success

By |2018-12-18T11:16:28+10:00December 18th, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, General|

It still surprises me the amount of people who do not regularly self-reflect.  I believe it’s crucial and a very powerful tool to improve the quality of your life.  How often do you put up with and continue to do the same thing because its routine or habit?  Self-improvement ensures you are feeling fulfilled as much as possible.  5 helpful questions to ask yourself include; Am I living true to myself, the authentic me? “A lot of the conflict you have in your life exists simply because you’re not living in alignment; you’re not be being true to yourself.” – Steve Sometimes … Read More

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The Power of Change is within you