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11 tips on how to overcome the shock of infidelity

By |2019-08-19T13:35:35+10:00August 19th, 2019|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, General, Marriage Counselling|

On average I would get one couple a week who’ve experienced infidelity. People experience an array of emotions from sadness to anger, shock, disbelief. If your partner cheats, it's hard to understand why they would do that. What you do and what you decide to do afterwards is so important and so, therefore, I've created the 11 tips from the shock of infidelity. 1. Take a very, very big deep breath because you will be in shock. Scream, yell and cry. I think far too often people just don't give themselves the time and space to simply be. And what I mean by be, … Read More

The four most damaging behaviours in your marriage

By |2019-08-11T18:38:51+10:00August 12th, 2019|General|

1. Criticism, which is when you attack your partner with something that you’re saying is globally wrong with him or her. For example: “You always ignore me in the afternoons.” “You never care about me.” Over time criticism wears down a relationship and erodes the self-esteem of both partners. It doesn’t make for a happy relationship and is not supportive for a healthy partnership. There are times when feedback is necessary, but it should not be conveyed in a critical way. For example: “I felt ignored and upset when you didn’t answer me this afternoon.” Feedback is best conveyed using language such … Read More

Live in your marriage with energy, vitality and a passion for life

By |2019-08-05T08:59:04+10:00August 5th, 2019|General|

We are made up of energy and the more free-flowing your energy the more vibrant, centred and whole you feel.  The more empowered you are going to feel in your marriage. Negative energy can become locked in the body and suppressed when you are unable to fully express yourself during emotional times which can create a lot of issues in your marriage. You can feel unmotivated, exhausted, no libido, lazy, sad, stressed, depressed, anxious, lost your mojo, you procrastinate, little focus, no passion, no drive. You may not have a clear memory of something, but the negative energy is there and when … Read More

Do I stay or Go, Marriage Limbo?

By |2019-06-26T17:31:19+10:00July 27th, 2019|General|

So, your marriage is in trouble and you’re not sure how much longer you can live with the unhappiness and disconnection your feeling. Most of what keeps us stuck are the fearful thoughts running through our minds. To attempt to make sense of what is likely 60,000+ thoughts each day, we begin talking to others…and all that talking is many times, the very thing that keeps us stuck. stuck in the pain… stuck in the stories… How do you move forward and gain clarity and direction? Firstly, pick very carefully who you talk to too discuss your marriage. People who will not … Read More

What to expect from a Marriage Counselling session

By |2019-06-03T21:47:09+10:00July 20th, 2019|General|

What goes on in a marriage counselling session? My goal is to normalize counselling. How I see it, is your car has a tune-up every year. However, do you do a tune-up of your marriage? No. You just keep going and going and going and I see most couples when they're in crisis. Sometimes the marriage has gone to a point where both parties aren't talking to each other or there's a huge amount of conflict. A lot of anger in the marriage and it has just shut down. There's pain, confusion, stress, overwhelm, depression, and many other symptoms. Picking carefully who … Read More

You have to love yourself to fully love your partner

By |2019-07-13T14:38:34+10:00July 13th, 2019|General|

As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You have to be whole and complete in yourself. No one can give you that. You have to know who you are, what others say is irrelevant. Nick Schiff. I absolutely love this quote because that represent this whole blog.  We spend so much time looking out of ourselves seeking approval from others and particularly in marriage, we're looking out at our partner. We sometimes forget how to seek that in ourselves. For an empowered marriage it’s for … Read More

Sharing spirituality in your relationship for a heart centred marriage

By |2019-06-03T21:05:14+10:00July 6th, 2019|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, Life Coaching, Marriage Counselling|

Who doesn't want a heart centred marriage?  When I’m writing about spirituality it's the connection with yourself and the universe and the search for the meaning of life. It’s not about religion, which is man-made but rather spiritual.  God given spirituality. So, it's whatever you want to call it. In this context, spirituality or God or the universe. It's the creator, it's grace.  It's an energy that's responsible for the planet and all the things in it and it is something so much bigger than us. I've been working in my private practice for 11 years and spirituality is different for every … Read More

6 tips to restoring sexual intimacy in your marriage

By |2019-06-25T09:04:44+10:00June 28th, 2019|General|

I would have at least two couples a week that I work with, where the sexual relationship has become a lot less or is non-existent.  Could be over several months or even over a couple of years. Being able to restore that is an extremely important part of being in a marriage. The sexual energy within yourself when on and open, you’re alive, you're motivated, you’re creative, you're very much more connected to yourself.  I have couples coming in where they have shut that part of themselves down which is very sad. 6 simple tips to be able to restore your sexual … Read More

Get the approval and love you need from yourself first

By |2019-06-26T17:34:26+10:00June 22nd, 2019|General|

We take on characters and behavioural strategies that are designed to get approval and love. For example, a martyr, being a pleaser, being a bragger, being a victim. Numerous characters that we take on, but we're taking them on to seek love and approval out there. I believe there is a lot more effective way of seeking love and approval and it's about being able to get it from yourself. Learning how to get your own approval and love from yourself first. It starts with the decision to recognize how you can do that daily, filling your own cup up. To be … Read More

There is no room for other characters in your marriage

By |2019-05-28T10:09:26+10:00June 15th, 2019|General|

There is no room for other characters in your marriage. What do I mean by that? Sometimes as a way of attempting to feel loved, we please others. And often we have learned, and we have adopted various behavioural strategies designed to get approval and love for what you need, often it can begin in childhood, continuing it into adulthood. These strategies, they become like roles that you play or characters or personality types that you act out, whether it's conscious or unconscious. I'm going to list and talk about the different character types that you may be acting out in your … Read More