Are you and your partner arguing, bickering and very defensive of each other?

When did you last look into your partners eyes?

Do you have resentment or feel numb towards your partner?Happy couple smiling and hugging on the beach

If you answer yes to any of the questions then I suggest you read the list.  It’s not going away the disharmony in your relationship. If anything, it will keep happening again and again and more often and more intently.

Making your relationship a priority can help enormously and its really doesn’t take too much to get your relationship back on track if you catch it in time.  Putting in some time and energy will help and here’s some ideas.


  1. Attend a regular activity as a couple. For example bowling, dancing, tennis or Toastmasters.
  2. Have a night out or date night alone on a regular basis.
  3. Have a night away together whenever you can.
  4. Change predictable routines, especially those concerning your sex life and social activities.
  5. Do something you enjoyed doing years ago.
  6. Go somewhere you used to go years ago.
  7. Have a good laugh over something.
  8. Develop some common short and long-term goals together.
  9. Prioritise your marriage by making it a focus in your life, giving it your energy and attention in the same way you do with your work or children.
  10. Take ownership of the fact that you are emotionally connected and attached to your partner. What are all the things you use to love about your partner? What do you currently love? Has the list got shorter?
  11. Eliminate the negative thoughts that you have about your partner. Retrain your brain and focus on the positive. Shine the light on the good, what is positive and what you appreciate.
  12. Anger and frustration push people away. Look into yourself on a deeper level to understand why you’re angry. Sharing your vulnerable side with your partner creates a connection.
  13. When you physically connect with your partner regularly you connect with your feel good hormones. Over time physical touch gets lost and partners get out of the habit of being physically connected. A great starting point to reviving the physical side of your relationship is a really nice goodbye and reunion. Take time to hug. Hold hands in public. Cuddle on the couch. Stop what you’re doing and bring the physical in again. Communicate with your partner that you want to start touching more and that you feel you don’t do it enough. If you are concerned that your partner will think touching brings on the green light to love making, talk about how you feel.
  14. Have fun, laugh, play and make humour part of everyday. To start, plan fun activities.
  15. Reclaim the romance in your relationship. Are you business partners or a romantic couple?

These are simple things that you can do to build your relationship and they can make the world of difference. Concentrate on one at a time, add others gradually.

If this doesn’t improve your relationship counselling can be extremely helpful to give you both some clarity, insight and understanding of what’s happening in your relationship. See it like your car. Yearly you do a check-up and an oil and grease change. What about your relationship?

Things fall apart so other things can fall together.