All couples have disagreements, misunderstandings, and arguments. The quality of your relationship is in how well you resolve, let go and get back into living in the present moment.
A couple’s ability to repair their conflict is so important, not their ability to avoid it. Avoiding it is very unhealthy as problems build, patterns are formed, resentment builds, and a fracture occurs in a relationship. In time, this affects the level of love and intimacy, and damage can be irreparable.
Successful conflict resolution sets aside the regrettable incident when it’s worked through and leaves it in the past. On the other hand, repair may be unsuccessful, in which case it may amplify the problem and continue to be the source of negativity and resentment into the future.
Here are some reasons you may avoid confrontation:
- Your family of origin did not do confrontation.
- Your fear of disapproval and rejection
- You are a martyr; you sacrifice yourself for others.
- You are a pleaser you look for love out there by doing and pleasing others.
- You are a masked person; you adjust yourself depending on who you are talking to.
- Low self-esteem and self-empowerment.
Self-Empowerment is crucial if you are in an intimate relationship
You accept yourself, unconditionally, with no critical talking to yourself
You understand what you need to be fulfilled in your life with balance
You get enjoyment and satisfaction in the present moment
You can find humour and particularly in your own mistakes
You can maintain deep and meaningful relationships
You have a strong sense of purpose which you work towards
You enjoy silent time and can live autonomously
Some great questions to ask yourself to gauge your own self-empowerment:
- What does self-empowerment mean to you?
- In what ways do you get to experience a sense of self-empowerment?
- Would you feel confident to assert yourself in a relationship?
- What are your “No Deals” when it comes to your sense of self-empowerment?
- Out of 10, 10 meaning 100% fulfilled, how fulfilled are you in your sense of self-empowerment?
- How can you improve your sense of self-empowerment?
Here are my top 5 tips to aim for in your relationship to deepen your understanding and how you connect as a couple, particularly with conflict:
- Each person can take responsibility for their own contribution to the escalation
- With empathy and compassion, you feel concerned about your partner’s hurt
- That you both can say sorry for their contribution to the incident
- That the apology is accepted
- That a constructive plan is made to reduce the likelihood of a recurrence of the conflict or its intensity
Communication is the most crucial tool in any relationship especially when there is conflict. How do you communicate?
We can communicate in 4 different ways:
- Passively
- Aggressively
- Passive aggressively
- Assertive
Passively: Includes being indirect at times. Don’t address problems and put the feelings of your partner before yourself. Find it difficult to express your feelings and they would stay bottled up. Eventually, they’ll build up and build up and then explode outwards in anger or you retreat inwardly.
Aggressively: you’re attacking, you’re threatening, you’re often bossy, you can be hostile, or you can be controlling, dominating, loud and sarcastic. You can be blaming, and other people will feel hurt and humiliated and often quite threatened. You try to enforce the respect of the other person onto you, but it doesn’t work.
Passive aggressively: Don’t address problems directly. You try and get back at your partner as you don’t have the courage to address the real problem. You rarely get your needs met and resentment builds up.
Assertive: You are confident, and clear and can ask for what you want. You take responsibility for your communication by using I statements. You are positive and respectful in your communication. Assertive communication does help enormously in conflict situations.
Creating love after conflict means commitment and priority to your marriage. The return of closeness and sexual intimacy will happen after conflict if communication has been successful and you’ve both been heard and seen.
Tune in to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth.
Podcast 89 – All Couples must have this for a Healthy Future – Listen here
Transform Your Relationship in 6 weeks or less with Ignite – Click here for more info
Or check out this article from my blog – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/blog/the-mistakes-you-dont-know-you-are-making/
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