The following articles provide information about counselling and have been written by Helen from her Redlands base. Helen has been helping clients offering counselling services throughout Redland City for many years. Helen is now located at Mandala House in Cleveland. It’s a great location, near Raby Bay and a short walk from the Cleveland RSL and the local shopping strip.
Two million dollars and a new partner - “I will be happy when I have the cash and the new man. Let’s also add in the new career, new wardrobe and the flash car.” Is this you? You are highly charged, reactive and swing like a pendulum according to the outside triggers. This is a tough way to live life and a lot of us live like this. Safety, security and worth is something outside of yourself. So great is our thirst to be seen, validated, and approved of it that sets us up for living unauthentically, in a false way. It … Read More
Is Lockdown a shutdown in your relationship? Lockdown is a container that is a great test for whether a relationship can thrive or not. All relationships take focus and priority, especially in covid times. If couples accept the reality of what there is and focus on building: Communication Connection Commitment Fun Growth Trust Lockdown is a wonderful opportunity to build a great foundation for their relationship. If instead, they choose to be frustrated by the limitations, the restrictions and what is wrong that can cause the foundations to crumble, and the relationship beginning to break down. I believe we haven’t yet seen … Read More
Questions and Answers Here’s four questions that I received recently; names removed for confidentiality. 1. How am I to make the difficult choice to divorce when I know my marriage is over but feel so much shame and stigma? Reframing your thoughts and beliefs surrounding divorce can be very helpful. I struggled with this and what supported me was to see the divorce wasn’t a break from anything on the outside. It was a divorce from my own past My false self My pleaser self My unauthenticity self My own ego It was a divorce from the fear and victim mentality When … Read More
The mistakes you don't know you are making A very common problem I see and have lived myself is co-dependency. This is a relationship pattern that focuses on others at the expense of yourself. It relies on external validation. Seeking approval from others, seldom from yourself. It is common for co-dependent people to be people pleasers. What causes co-dependency? Co-dependency results from not being able to fully love yourself, be independent of others, give yourself love, attention, or validation. Couples often become co-dependent because each person cannot recognize their own worth without feeling cared for and/or needed by the other. In other … Read More
How to love after conflict A couple’s ability to repair their conflict is so important, not in their ability to avoid it. Here are some reasons you may avoid confrontation. Your family of origin did not do confrontation. Your fear for disapproval and rejection. Sometimes you are a martyr and you sacrifice yourself for others. You are a pleaser, you look for love out there by doing and pleasing others. At times you are a masked person; you adjust yourself depending on who you are talking to. Successful conflict resolution sets aside the regrettable incident when it's worked through and leaves it in … Read More
The Shocking Truth about marriage The universal sign of being wanted, settled, and loved is marriage. The longer the better, 15 years, 25 years, and 30 years. The cultural programming, the measure of worth lies in the other, like marriage and not from deep within yourself. To sacrifice your identity, your want, your purpose and your needs for the sake of the marriage is common, particularly for women. “I’ve been married 27 years!” It’s like a badge of honour and the longer the time the better. However, no one knows what’s going on inside the marriage. Many marriages are not working, communication … Read More
How to find your Purpose without ending your marriage Have you lost your mojo and you unmotivated? Have you lost your identity and what inspires you? This is affecting the quality of your marriage and the connection. A common situation I see, and the ending of a marriage is sometimes not the answer. Each person is responsible for their own happiness and living on purpose is an important part of this. You can find your purpose without ending your marriage. Sometimes we need to take it back to foundational steps and what you need to get in touch with your purpose and why you … Read More
Get rid of that resentment once and for all Do you have lots of little resentments that have built up and built up and you feel that you've been wronged in some way. You’re not being heard, validated, perhaps you feel invisible and not important. They begin to multiply and if they haven't been dealt with at the time resentment begins to build. Feelings under resentment can include anger, sadness, doubt, grief and many more emotions. Getting to a place where you can learn to let go of the feelings and the resentment and instead feel gratitude, peacefulness and compassion is the pathway to … Read More
How to feel sexy and deserving of love You have lost interest in sex with your partner, you're just not feeling it. This is so common particularly for women with children. I have many couples coming in weekly where the woman has lost interest in sex and her libido is nonexistent. The man is tired of being rejected. Digging a little deeper women, it’s the body confidence that has disappeared since the children have sucked you dry, pardon the pun. Let's get your sexy happening so you feel deserving of love to give yourself and receive from your partner. The first place … Read More
Keeping your relationship turned ON Are you friends, not intimate partners? Perhaps best friends but here is no physical or sexual connection? The longer you leave it, the harder it is to recover from. It’s not going to get easier by putting your troubles on the backburner. It’s about facing them head-on and looking at what you can do to bring back the desire and passion you once had in your relationship. It's about keeping your relationship turned on. Identify your needs: Identifying what makes you feel like having sex is important. Men can be easily aroused where women’s desire is more … Read More
