The following articles provide information about counselling and have been written by Helen from her Redlands base. Helen has been helping clients offering counselling services throughout Redland City for many years. Helen is now located at Mandala House in Cleveland. It’s a great location, near Raby Bay and a short walk from the Cleveland RSL and the local shopping strip.
Are you hiding and what's your mask? Sometimes as a way of attempting to feel loved, we please others. Often, we have learned, and we have adopted various behavioural strategies designed to get approval and love for what you need. It can begin in childhood, continuing into adulthood. These strategies become like roles that you play or masks or personality types that you act out, whether conscious or unconscious. I'm going to list and talk about the different character types or masks that you may be acting out in your marriage. Having these different character types playing out in your marriage is … Read More
My Marriage isn’t working. Here are the most common problems I see in my counselling sessions. The longer you leave these issues unexplored the harder it is to find a resolution. Sexual issues Different views about money Lack of common goals Feeling misunderstood by partner Difficulty in openly expressing feelings and thoughts. Difficulty in expressing love and affection. Different interests Different parenting views Power struggles Begin with reflecting on why your marriage is not working: Be honest and speak truthfully as to why the marriage isn’t working. Use I statements, have turns in sharing, talking, and listening, regularly. Talk to each other, … Read More
The 4 Warning Signs - Warning signs your marriage and relationship are in trouble can be slow and gradual and one day you realise you are not happy. When you get married you anticipate that you get married for life and no mention of divorce. If you ignore the warning signs and hope that communication in your relationship will magically improve you are dreaming. Is your relationship a priority is the question to ask yourself. Do you make time for each other? Do you listen to understand? There is a distinct slow change in relationships so it’s important to address this as soon … Read More
You want more Passion, Desire and Fun Do you want more passion, desire and fun? Are you feeling bored and stuck, perhaps you're in a rat and your marriage has gone stale? This is quite common, and you are perhaps beginning to look outside of yourself and comparing your relationship with other relationships? Are you asking yourself if this is as good as it gets? Are you unmotivated, exhausted, and lazy in your marriage? The reality is if you're bored, you need to do something about it. Focusing on what you want more than what you don’t want will be helpful and … Read More
My partner drinks too much This is a hot topic. You’re struggling and for a number of years, you have watched your partner drink more and more. They change when they drink, perhaps happier, more talkative, and then the flip side of it is they become like a teenager and the adult self has left and you are left with someone who is: Critical and negative Aggressive Angry Shutdown and distant Agitated and so much more. You feel like you have a third person (being the drink) in your relationship, and you are very tired of the behaviour and what comes with … Read More
I get angry easily So you’re in a marriage/relationship and your feeling hurt and you get angry easily. For example, 0 to 10 very quickly. You may feel some of this: Not heard Not validated Feel invisible Not important These feelings can begin to multiply if they haven't been dealt with at the time resentment begins to build. Feelings under resentment can include anger, sadness, doubt, grief and many more emotions. Getting to a place where you can learn to stop feeling the resentment and instead feel gratitude, peacefulness and compassion is the pathway to an empowered marriage. Acceptance I believe acceptance … Read More
You're no longer attracted to your partner Realising you’re no longer attracted to your partner can be scary, worrying and all too consuming. You start getting stuck in your head, overthinking and catastrophising. Stay in it too long and you get into an emergency response and the fight and flight response takes over. Before you know it, you’ve moved out, in a rental and have started a new life. For starters let’s slow down, right down. For some of you, the lack of attraction can be a phase and for others, it may mean the heart has left. The key is addressing … Read More
I just want you to love me “You please me, and our relationship is good.” “Please me and we are good, and I will stick around.” This is called a conditional relationship and a large part of relationships and marriages are this. Conditional relationships are held together with individuals not taking responsibility for their own happiness and connection with themselves. Staying in alignment with yourself is the key. Staying true to your inner voice and not looking out there to get what you need. That is nothing to do with you out there. Your relationship with your inner being is the most … Read More
Has your partner outgrown you? So your partner seems different? In every area of his or her life. Your partner has discovered how intuitive they really are. A whole new dimension of life has opened, enhancing job, relationships, self-esteem, creativity, and health. Their ability to create visions for the future that is strong and robust, and you feel like you’re being left behind. If you criticise and judge and you want to be in a long-term happy marriage, then this is for you. Intuition increases our empathy and compassion for ourselves and our partner. Growing is crucial and we can all reach … Read More
3 Steps to rebuild trust. Healing after betrayal or infidelity is painful and hard work. This requires vulnerability and this cannot occur without the offending partner’s continual expression of remorse. Reflecting on the experience is especially important to re-establish confidence in the relationship. Both partners must also take some time to gauge their emotional space Unearth a lesson from the experience. Spend time reflecting on what it is that caused you or your partner pain Reflect on the actions taken that broke the trust, to begin with. What did it make you feel? How are you feeling now as a result of … Read More
