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The 4 most damaging behaviors in relationships

By |2018-12-18T11:43:53+00:00December 18th, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, General, Self Esteem|

Criticism Defensiveness Contempt Stonewalling Criticism over time in a relationship will wear it down and erode it's self esteem. This behaviour doesn’t make for a happy relationship.   Criticism is when you globally wrong your partner.  For example, “you always ignore me in the afternoons” or “you never care about me.”  It’s an attack which says there is something globally wrong with your partner.  This is not supportive in a relationship and if it occurs regularly over time it is corrosive. Now there are times when feedback is necessary which is not criticizing but complaining.  Complaining is feedback and is not corrosive.  For … Read More

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Self-reflection success

By |2018-12-18T11:16:28+00:00December 18th, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, General|

It still surprises me the amount of people who do not regularly self-reflect.  I believe it’s crucial and a very powerful tool to improve the quality of your life.  How often do you put up with and continue to do the same thing because its routine or habit?  Self-improvement ensures you are feeling fulfilled as much as possible.  5 helpful questions to ask yourself include; Am I living true to myself, the authentic me? “A lot of the conflict you have in your life exists simply because you’re not living in alignment; you’re not be being true to yourself.” – Steve Sometimes … Read More

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“Expectation is the root of all misery”

By |2018-10-25T12:09:26+00:00October 25th, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, General, Marriage Counselling|

“If she just started doing ……………. then all would be good”! “I should be further along than this” “Why doesn’t he listen, really listen?” Hearing a theme here? All expectations of yourself or of your partner creates disappointment, heart break and in time erodes relationships.  Having realistic expectations helps you accept the flaws of others and creates less pain in you.  We need to take responsibility for our own life’s before we can expect others to do the same. We all have expectations in our lives of what we want and who we want to become.  That is great on some level, … Read More

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Why did I have an affair?

By |2018-10-23T16:10:53+00:00October 23rd, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, General, Marriage Counselling|

It’s so very common I’m sorry to say and by the time couples are seeing me the cat is out of the bag and the relationship is in crises. It’s extremely sad to experience the pain individuals go thru. It’s never going to stop, there will always be people who have affairs. Why you ask? Little Emotional Connection: The common reason I see is the lack of emotional connection. When you marry and start your life together your deeply in love and focused on each other. Your partner is a priority and then other areas of your life start to take your … Read More

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Do I stay or Go?

By |2018-08-23T16:35:24+00:00August 23rd, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, General|

So your marriage is in trouble and your not sure how much longer you can live with the unhappiness and disconnection your feeling. Most of what keeps us stuck are the fearful thoughts running through our minds. To attempt to make sense of what is likely 60,000+ thoughts each day, we begin talking to others...and all that talking ismany times, the very thing that keeps us stuck. stuck in the pain... stuck in the stories... How do you move forward and gain clarity and direction? Firstly pick very carefully who you talk to too discuss your marriage. 1. People who will not … Read More

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Are you addicted to adrenaline? From Executives to Housewife’s

By |2018-08-17T17:41:28+00:00August 17th, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, General, Self Esteem|

You may instantly reply with NO. I don’t jump out of planes or need to climb mountains and ride fast motorbikes. You may be addicted to adrenaline without even realizing it. A few examples: • Are you constantly late so then you must rush? • Constantly checking emails, social media and booking a tight schedule? • You leave things to the last minute e.g. A project or preparation for work • You set unrealistic timelines and must push yourself to complete.? • Cleaning your house, doing your garden you over exert yourself and do too much in a short amount of time? … Read More

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Personal Trainer for Couples

By |2018-07-18T11:48:43+00:00July 18th, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, General|

What if the thinking around couples counselling could change?  Seeking Couples Counselling like your weekly PT workout.  I bet you don’t keep that a secret that you go to your PT? Happy couple smiling at camera at the beach There is such a shame, secrecy around seeing a couple’s therapist.  I’m so hoping in time that this will change.  We seek support for our physical and tell everyone as we are proud of it.  What about the emotional and mental.? For many people there is a fear in having couples counselling.  To visit a counsellor for some people is saying … Read More

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Im Single, Now What?

By |2018-07-18T09:10:39+00:00July 18th, 2018|General|

So, your now single and perhaps its been 10, 20 30 or 40 years since you were single.  To say it’s an adjustment is an understatement.  Research says that for every 10 years of a relationship 1 year of grieving is needed for healing.  So, work it out, 20 years with a partner needs approximately 2 years of grieving and processing. A common statement that comes in my counselling room from single people is “I should be further along than this”.  And I totally disagree.  You are where you are and cutting yourself some slack and having some loving kindness for yourself … Read More

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Is stress slowing killing you?

By |2018-06-18T14:45:11+00:00June 18th, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, General|

When you encounter stress, a physical change take place in your body. These changes allow you to react quickly and to use your body's resources to cope with the stress. The changes that occur can be either helpful or harmful. Their effect depends on your response the length of time they last coping strategies, you use. 3 Stages of Stress As your body copes with stress, it must adapt, or adjust, to the stressor and the changes it causes. This process of adapting, called the general adaptation syndrome, occurs in three stages. The three stages are; Alarm stage Resistance stage Exhaustions stage … Read More

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Identifying your critical tapes that create stress

By |2018-06-14T12:40:08+00:00June 14th, 2018|Counselling in the Redlands, General, Self Esteem|

How willing are you to acknowledge unhelpful attitudes and beliefs that you may have? Some of these may be unexamined ways of thinking about yourself and your life that were given to you by parents and other early caregivers. They may not really be your attitudes and values, but they were put there so early on, it is hard to tell that they do not belong with you. You can recognise them because they are often distorted, exaggerated, self-critical, or self-defeating “tapes” that re-play over and over again in your head, causing personal anxiety, self-doubt, stress and depression. Some examples are: Rigidity … Read More

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