Self Esteem

Questions and Answers Here’s four questions that I received recently; names removed for confidentiality. 1. How am I to make the difficult choice to divorce when I know my marriage is over but feel so much shame and stigma? Reframing your thoughts and beliefs surrounding divorce can be very helpful. I struggled with this and what supported me was to see the divorce wasn’t a break from anything on the outside. It was a divorce from my own past My false self My pleaser self My unauthenticity self My own ego It was a divorce from the fear and victim mentality When … Read More

How to love after conflict  A couple’s ability to repair their conflict is so important, not in their ability to avoid it. Here are some reasons you may avoid confrontation. Your family of origin did not do confrontation. Your fear for disapproval and rejection. Sometimes you are a martyr and you sacrifice yourself for others. You are a pleaser, you look for love out there by doing and pleasing others. At times you are a masked person; you adjust yourself depending on who you are talking to. Successful conflict resolution sets aside the regrettable incident when it's worked through and leaves it in … Read More

Are you hiding and what's your mask? Sometimes as a way of attempting to feel loved, we please others. Often, we have learned, and we have adopted various behavioural strategies designed to get approval and love for what you need. It can begin in childhood, continuing into adulthood. These strategies become like roles that you play or masks or personality types that you act out, whether conscious or unconscious. I'm going to list and talk about the different character types or masks that you may be acting out in your marriage. Having these different character types playing out in your marriage is … Read More

I just want you to love me “You please me, and our relationship is good.” “Please me and we are good, and I will stick around.” This is called a conditional relationship and a large part of relationships and marriages are this. Conditional relationships are held together with individuals not taking responsibility for their own happiness and connection with themselves. Staying in alignment with yourself is the key. Staying true to your inner voice and not looking out there to get what you need.  That is nothing to do with you out there. Your relationship with your inner being is the most … Read More