How to love after conflict
A couple’s ability to repair their conflict is so important, not in their ability to avoid it.
Here are some reasons you may avoid confrontation.
- Your family of origin did not do confrontation.
- Your fear for disapproval and rejection.
- Sometimes you are a martyr and you sacrifice yourself for others.
- You are a pleaser, you look for love out there by doing and pleasing others.
- At times you are a masked person; you adjust yourself depending on who you are talking to.
Successful conflict resolution sets aside the regrettable incident when it’s worked through and leaves it in the past. On the other hand, repair may be unsuccessful, in which case it may amplify the problem and continue to be the source of negativity and resentment into the future.
Here are my top 5 tips to aim for in your relationship to deepen your understanding and connect as a couple, particularly with conflict:
- With empathy and compassion, you feel concerned for your partner’s hurt
- Each person can take responsibility for their own contribution to the escalation
- You both can say sorry for their contribution to the incident
- That the apology is accepted
- That a constructive plan is made to reduce the likelihood of a recurrence of the conflict or its intensity
Communication is the most crucial tool in any relationship especially when there is conflict. How do you communicate?
We can communicate in 4 different ways:
- passively aggressive
Passively includes being indirect at times. Don’t address problems and put the feelings of your partner before yourself. Find it difficult to express your feelings and they would stay bottled up.
Eventually, they’ll build up and build up and then explode outwards in anger or you retreat inwardly.
You’re attacking, you’re threatening, you’re often bossy, you can be hostile, or you can be controlling, dominating, loud and sarcastic. You can be blaming, and other people will feel hurt and humiliated and often quite threatened. You try to enforce the respect of the other person onto you, but it doesn’t work.
Don’t address problems directly. You try and get back, at your partner as you don’t have the courage to address the real problem. You rarely get your needs met and resentment builds up.
You’re confident, clear and can ask for what you want. You take responsibility for your communication by using I statements. You’re positive and respectful in your communication. Assertive communication does help enormously in conflict situations.
Creating love after conflict means commitment and priority to your marriage. The return of closeness and sexual intimacy will happen after conflict if communication has been successful and you’ve both been heard and seen.
Tune in to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth.
How to love after conflict – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/
Or check out this article from my blog – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/blog/3-steps-to-rebuild-trust/