How to overcome being needy is a common theme in my counselling sessions.  Why are we needy and what does it look like?

  • You may be always running to your partner for help?
  • Perhaps you are constantly texting, messaging even if they are at work?
  • Needing affection and attention from your partner?
  • Need to be with your partner, what are they doing?
  • If a text or call doesn’t come in, you worry and you think something is wrong.

When you are needy it’s very unattractive and your partner will begin to pull away and in turn, can ruin your relationship/marriage.  When your partner pulls away you can pursue and become more needy which creates even more problems.

Finding what you need from within yourself and not your partner is the key. Understanding how the masculine and feminine energy is a great place to start. The differences between immature and mature energies.

Immature feminine energy

  • Fear
  • Chaos
  • Manipulation
  • Self -sacrifice
  • Victim

On doing some inner work on maturing your feminine energy regardless if you’re a female or male you will then feel more

  • Grounded
  • Healthy Boundaries
  • Compassion
  • Vibrate with energy
  • Wisdom and Vitality

Immature Masculine Energy

  • Provokes
  • Selects
  • Reacts
  • Withdraws
  • Bully/Tyrant

Mature Masculine

  • Provides Safety
  • Responds Knowledge
  • Holds space
  • No judgement
  • Still

It’s everybody’s responsibility to work on their masculine and feminine energy and to feel centred and strong within yourself and not look outside of yourself to find that.

Develop and grow your masculine and feminine energy and effective ways so you are no longer needy.

  1. Tune in with your feelings and creating time to do that. Spending quality time with yourself.
  2. Get out of your partners business. The question to ask yourself: does it strengthen me or weaken me worrying and thinking about my partner?
  3. Identify your emotions. List your feeling, sad, angry, shame, guilt, lonely. Validate and allowing you to feel your emotions and feelings. Eg Sadness is visiting and being ok with this.
  4. There is no right and wrong or negative or positive. All energy and no judgement.
  5. Identify your strengths. Example, I am very loyal, I’m a good listener. Being able to validate yourself and give yourself self-acknowledgement without having to get it from your partner.
  6. Worrying about what may happen. Coach yourself back to the present.
  7. Remind yourself that you can cope. Coaching yourself to hold space and respond.
  8. How do you soothe and comfort yourself? Recognise when you need comfort. For e.g. Music, a hot bath, walking, massage, essential oils, being in nature.  Developing the feminine energy.
  9. Allowing change to flow easily.
  10. Your independent and don’t depend on your partner. You can make decisions by yourself. Being able to fight your own battles and living independently is important.
  11. Trusting your partner which is built over time. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt if your partner is busy or needing space.
  12. Respect partners space and every relationship need space to miss each other. If your partner needs time alone, respect that. You both need that time to yourself.
  13. Be socially active to share your emotions with others can be helpful in a relationship.

You can overcome being needy and know you are enough and good enough within yourself.  Learn to put aside time for you to spend some quality time away from your partner and with yourself.  It is healthy and necessary for your relationship and it helps you maintain your sense of self and to let go of the neediness within you.

Tune into to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This week’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth. How to overcome being needy – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/