Keeping your relationship turned on. Photo of an intimate couple lying in the water on a beach in the water with the sun rising in the background

Keeping your relationship turned ON

Are you friends, not intimate partners?

Perhaps best friends but here is no physical or sexual connection?

The longer you leave it, the harder it is to recover from. It’s not going to get easier by putting your troubles on the backburner. It’s about facing them head-on and looking at what you can do to bring back the desire and passion you once had in your relationship. It’s about keeping your relationship turned on.

Identify your needs:

Identifying what makes you feel like having sex is important.  Men can be easily aroused where women’s desire is more gradual.  This includes a connection to their sexuality and a slowing down, relaxed, no to-do list and an emotional connection to their partner.  (Very difficult if you have children however after the baby zone jump back into your relationship otherwise your sex life’s don’t recover)

8 Suggestions to keep the passion alive:

  1.  Have fun: A pillow fight or a heated game of Monopoly or poker is not only fun, but it can also make your relationship feel more exciting.
  2. Do something daring: Anything from watching a scary movie to skinny dipping on holiday – the adrenaline and shared feeling of vulnerability can help bring you closer.
  3. Flirt and let the tension build: As time passes couples feel more like friends than partners. Try to be bolder in your displays of affection and let your partner know you still find them attractive – flirting reminds you both of that sexual connection you share, and let it build.
  4. Talk more: The more you have open conversations, the more comfortable you’ll both be raising issues around sex. The closer you feel to each other, the more intimate you will feel.
  5. Make nice gestures: Compliments, buying their favourite food at the supermarket, or texting during the day to tell them you’re thinking of them can all help remind your partner of the affection between you.
  6. Think about your surroundings: A messy bedroom, harsh lighting, or dirty bed linen certainly won’t help you get in the mood. Have a tidy-up and do your best to create a romantic atmosphere that you can both relax in.
  7. Touch: Oxytocin, the chemical in our body responsible for bonding in relationships, increases with physical touch. Something as simple as holding hands or giving your partner a peck on the cheek can help build intimacy.
  8. Have realistic expectations: No one has a Hollywood relationship. It may look like all your friends are having great sex lives, but you have no idea what really happens behind closed doors. Analysing and comparing yourself to other relationships will only set you up for disappointment.

Realistic relationships

There is no denying that the global divorce rate is massive. However, I think that there is a false idea or fantasy about relationships being like the Cinderella story. We have a habit of projecting our own needs onto our partner and believe they are going to fill the void for us. It’s important to realize that your partner is not going to fill that void for you… That is your job.

A rock-solid relationship is about having no expectations, not judgement, and learning about what love truly is… unconditional. There is a dance of security and freedom that occurs in relationships. Too often we try to control our partner, however, unconditional love is continually about loving and letting go, loving and letting go, loving and letting go.  It also means accepting and loving the parts of our partner that we don’t particularly like and those parts in ourselves.

Look within yourself

A lot of the time, your partner will mirror things back to you that need to be healed within yourself. The temptation is to run away or avoid them because you don’t like to look at those things in yourself. In fact, we tend to look outside ourselves and point the finger at our partners.

If we really get down to it, most of us are afraid of love, even though it is the most beautiful thing around. Love yourself first. Having a fear of intimacy comes back to you.  It’s important to not blame this fear on your partner, and rather to look at your own self-worth, confidence, and self-esteem.  Of course, any fear-based feelings are rooted at a deeper level. Coming to an understanding of these emotions will help improve the foundation of the relationship you have with yourself and others, and in time this will also bring the passion back into your marriage.

Tune in to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth.

Keeping your relationship turned on – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/

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