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You have to love yourself to fully love your partner

By |2019-07-13T14:38:34+10:00July 13th, 2019|General|

As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You have to be whole and complete in yourself. No one can give you that. You have to know who you are, what others say is irrelevant. Nick Schiff. I absolutely love this quote because that represent this whole blog.  We spend so much time looking out of ourselves seeking approval from others and particularly in marriage, we're looking out at our partner. We sometimes forget how to seek that in ourselves. For an empowered marriage it’s for … Read More

Sharing spirituality in your relationship for a heart centred marriage

By |2019-06-03T21:05:14+10:00July 6th, 2019|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, Life Coaching, Marriage Counselling|

Who doesn't want a heart centred marriage?  When I’m writing about spirituality it's the connection with yourself and the universe and the search for the meaning of life. It’s not about religion, which is man-made but rather spiritual.  God given spirituality. So, it's whatever you want to call it. In this context, spirituality or God or the universe. It's the creator, it's grace.  It's an energy that's responsible for the planet and all the things in it and it is something so much bigger than us. I've been working in my private practice for 11 years and spirituality is different for every … Read More

6 tips to restoring sexual intimacy in your marriage

By |2019-06-25T09:04:44+10:00June 28th, 2019|General|

I would have at least two couples a week that I work with, where the sexual relationship has become a lot less or is non-existent.  Could be over several months or even over a couple of years. Being able to restore that is an extremely important part of being in a marriage. The sexual energy within yourself when on and open, you’re alive, you're motivated, you’re creative, you're very much more connected to yourself.  I have couples coming in where they have shut that part of themselves down which is very sad. 6 simple tips to be able to restore your sexual … Read More

Get the approval and love you need from yourself first

By |2019-06-26T17:34:26+10:00June 22nd, 2019|General|

We take on characters and behavioural strategies that are designed to get approval and love. For example, a martyr, being a pleaser, being a bragger, being a victim. Numerous characters that we take on, but we're taking them on to seek love and approval out there. I believe there is a lot more effective way of seeking love and approval and it's about being able to get it from yourself. Learning how to get your own approval and love from yourself first. It starts with the decision to recognize how you can do that daily, filling your own cup up. To be … Read More

There is no room for other characters in your marriage

By |2019-05-28T10:09:26+10:00June 15th, 2019|General|

There is no room for other characters in your marriage. What do I mean by that? Sometimes as a way of attempting to feel loved, we please others. And often we have learned, and we have adopted various behavioural strategies designed to get approval and love for what you need, often it can begin in childhood, continuing it into adulthood. These strategies, they become like roles that you play or characters or personality types that you act out, whether it's conscious or unconscious. I'm going to list and talk about the different character types that you may be acting out in your … Read More

Change your way of thinking to create your empowered marriage

By |2019-05-28T10:03:23+10:00June 8th, 2019|General|

Have you ever stopped to notice your thoughts? The quality of your thinking reflects the quality of your life. If you have empowering thoughts, they will create a wonderful nourishing life with high self-esteem, resulting in you feeling fantastic about yourself. Alternatively, if your thoughts are critical of yourself and the people in your life, they will weaken you and in the long-term affect your self-esteem and the quality of your marriage. About Beliefs Your thoughts are based on your beliefs. Many beliefs are formed during the first seven years of life because we rapidly absorb what is going on around us … Read More

Letting go of resentment in your marriage

By |2019-05-28T09:42:42+10:00June 2nd, 2019|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, Marriage Counselling, Self Esteem|

When you're feeling hurt about something in your marriage it can build up over time. It's lots of little resentments that have built up and built up and you feel that you've been wronged in some way. You’re not being heard, validated, perhaps you feel invisible and not important. They begin to multiply if they haven't been dealt with at the time resentment begins to build. Feelings under resentment can include anger, sadness, doubt, grief and many more emotions. Getting to a place where you can learn to stop feeling the resentment and instead feel gratitude, peacefulness and compassion is the pathway … Read More

Do you have an elephant in the living room and self-esteem in your marriage?

By |2019-05-14T11:12:04+10:00May 25th, 2019|Counselling in the Redlands, Couples, Marriage Counselling, Self Esteem|

Self-esteem is crucial to having an empowered marriage.  If you're traveling through life and we all are, each one of us we experience, thoughts and feelings and moments and memories. They all go towards building our personality, our perceptions and our behaviours. These experiences, help make us who we are, they influence the way we see ourselves in the world. If we have positive experiences, they help us feel accepted and happy within ourselves.  If we have negative experiences, they eat away at our confidence and self-worth, particularly the period between zero and seven. That time we are like little sponges and … Read More

Secrets to a long-lasting empowered marriage

By |2019-05-14T10:56:09+10:00May 19th, 2019|Couples, Marriage Counselling, Self Esteem|

Here they are, the 5 secrets to a long-lasting empowered marriage: Have your own identity Be a team A balance between positive and negative Being equal Letting go of the expectations   Have your own identity:  be your own person. A lot of couples when they're working with me, we go back and look at the history: when they met and how they met. And for some people it's not always the case, but for some couples, those people who have just come straight out of home and got into a relationship struggle with this. Separating from the childhood home, the childhood … Read More

Needy, Naggy and Controlling are very unattractive in marriage

By |2019-05-14T10:25:28+10:00May 12th, 2019|Couples, Marriage Counselling, Self Esteem|

This is very common, and I work a lot with this in my Counselling practice.  If this speaks to you then it’s about being honest with yourself if you have any of these behaviours. Needy:  Let’s look at needy and first place to start is to ask yourself, why am I needy? Where has it come from? It’s usually from the wounded part of you, the wounded child in you. You have many parts that make up you and your life. Your partner is part of that, but not all of it. So, respecting your partner's need for space is crucial. You … Read More