Show yourself some loving
In the first session with me I often ask, “so how much self-care do you do?” That’s always an indicator as to how much self-love you have for yourself.
So many of us neglect ourselves, reject ourselves, put ourselves way down in the pecking order. I get it, it’s extremely challenging to balance all the moving parts of your life and having specific roles often takes first place.
Too often we feel boxed into roles with expectations that continue to wear us down.
The two large areas are Mums overworked juggling, children, career, households, and relationships. The other area is business owners, men or women trying to balance it all including their relationships.
Self-care equals self-love
To show yourself self-care and to take time out for yourself is often very difficult. Patterns from childhood to include being needed, seeking approval and self-sacrificing are but a few ways of putting others before yourself.
We look outside of ourselves to seek what we internally need and particularly from our partner. An example, if you need to be needed you will rescue your partner, you will look for a partner that needs rescuing. For example, an alcoholic, they’re irresponsible but you’re responsible.
3 Important questions to ask yourself to discover when you started looking outside of yourself to find you’re good enough.
- When did your childhood end?
- At what point did you start protecting or taking care of someone else?
- When did you stop being yourself, and start filling a role?
When we do not feel good enough, we look outside of ourselves to find it. Reflecting and doing some inner work can help us be honest with ourselves.
To choose self-love can be very foreign and uncomfortable filled with guilt because you’re not acting out your pattern and putting others before yourself.
Relationships that are healthy and go long term is because each person in the relationship chooses love for themselves first. They know their self-care is self-love. Finding you, marrying you first is the key to a healthy empowered marriage.
What can you do today to show yourself some love and care?
Begin with following your 5 F’s in no particular order but a balance of all.
Perhaps colour code it for a week in your calendar. Are all 5 categories roughly in balance?
- Finance (work/career)
- Faith (Spirituality/religion)
- Family (relationships)
How could your structure your days differently so you do more of whatever is currently receiving the least of your time?
Loving yourself enough to give yourself what you need is vital. Spending time every day to take notice of what gives you joy.
What can you do today to show yourself love and care?
Tune in to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth.
Show yourself some loving – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/