How does your relationship stack up?
Start a conversation today ( yes we all put it off to wait for the right time) with your partner to elevate your relationship. A relationship takes time and commitment and we all deserve to have a fulfilling relationship. If you’re not in one start asking yourself questions as to what can I do to change the situation. Create the space for you both to share how you are feeling.
Here’s some ideas to tune up your relationship. Start with one and work towards doing more in the future
* Spend quality time together where you genuinely enjoy each other’s company. The extension of this is that you enjoy your intimate times together also. This just doesn’t happen, you need to both work at it.
* To trust each other totally, are faithful and dependable. Trust in your relationship is number one. If there’s an interruption to trust, talk about this and seek professional support if your stuck.
* To know that a good relationship just doesn’t happen it takes commitment and open and honest communication with each other. Effective communication and compromise occurs where both partners come to a fair agreement for both.
* You have mutual goals and dreams together as well as individual goals and aspirations.
* You support each other with their different interests, you care, and you listen to each other and offer support and encouragement in all that you do.
* Acceptance is an awesome quality to have in your relationship. To be in a partnership and to fully accept the good qualities and not so good of your partner is peaceful. Peaceful for yourself and also for them.
* When there are times of conflict and differences those couples that are in great shape talk about their differences and don’t bottle up resentment, hurt or anger.
* You are not afraid to disagree but have good conflict skills which lead to a successful resolution even if it’s to agree not to agree. Respect and care for each other needs, wants are important to you both.
* You know your relationship is in great shape when you feel your uniqueness is respected, you laugh regularly and have fun together.
I’ve left the best for last. I’ve been in private practice for 10 tens years and this is the most common aliment I see, RESENTMENT which is poison.
Resentment is a common emotion that occurs when you’re in an unhappy relationship. Resentment is like a poison. It’s heavy, an energy that holds you back and it blocks you from being able to see the situation more objectively and deciding what YOU can do to change. Even if you have looked at your ability to influence the person and realize you have little control, you can still change your attitude. This requires you to be very honest with yourself and the parts in you that can change. Thinking about your own contribution to the situation and what you can do.
You cannot change anyone else so the best idea is to create change or acceptance in yourself first. It may be a habit that you have to constantly look out of yourself and blame others and in doing that resentment builds. Perhaps in your childhood this pattern of blaming others began and it has continued from relationship to relationship in your adult life. You are constantly right and have to be in control, it is never your fault, it’s always them. Do any of those comments create a charge in you? Perhaps there is some truth in it. Resentment is about getting honest with yourself and changing the parts in you so there is no time or space for resentment. Have you heard that saying would you rather being happy or right?
On reading this you have come to the conclusion that your relationship needs a tune up? Act on it and seek counselling and very quickly particularly if you catch it in time your relationship will be back in tip top condition filled with fun, connection and vibrancy.