Key 4 What do I believe about myself
To “unlock all of U” you have to be totally honest with what you believe about yourself regardless of how difficult it is to acknowledge. Below are some common beliefs that people think about themselves. Many are ingrained in you from a young age and become your reality without you even realizing it.
• I am not good enough
• I am not important
• I am not pretty/handsome
• I am not intelligent
• I am not worthy
• I was not meant to be born
• I am not confident
• I am shy
• Life’s got to be hard
• I never have enough time
• I was meant to be a girl/boy
• I feel abandoned
• I need to please people to be liked
• I feel rejected
• Scared of rejection
• I don’t like change
• I don’t have enough money
• I don’t like being alone
• I’m not allowed to show my feelings
• I’m not allowed to honour my needs first
• Put others before myself
• Your more important than me
• I don’t have a voice
• I’m scared of my past
• I have to be in control
• I am right all the time
• I am unlovable
• I must blend in
• I must keep my thoughts inside
• It’s wrong to be rich
• I can’t be successful
• People will laugh at me
• I worry what people think of me
• I will not be accepted
• I’m scared of getting ill
• It’s too easy
• People won’t like me
• My dream is just a dream
• I won’t reach my dream
• People will judge me
• People will say no
• I can’t commit
• I don’t belong
• Life’s a struggle
• You have to work hard to earn money
• I’m too short/tall/fat/skinny
• My boss knows best
It’s very common for beliefs to be holding you back in your life. Beliefs may be negative phrases you often find yourself repeating in your head. You may need support in this area to uncover your beliefs as you may not even realize you have these beliefs. In counselling sessions time and again I come across a whole serious of limiting beliefs such as “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not very clever” or “life is hard”. Depending on where you are at personally you may only have a few beliefs that you can already identify with.
If you want to unlock all of U, you need to become aware of all your beliefs. Understanding why you hold such beliefs and acknowledging the evidence that supports them is vital. The next step is about turning limiting beliefs into empowering ones and finding the evidence to support the empowering beliefs. The final step involves implementing the empowering beliefs into your everyday life.
Questions to ask yourself about limiting beliefs that hold you back
1. What are your limiting beliefs?
2. Which one do you think has the most influence over you?
3. Why do you hold this belief? What evidence do you have to prove that it is true?
4. What evidence do you have to prove to yourself that this belief is not necessarily true?
“When I made the decision I wanted to change this is one of the first areas I worked on. I had many limiting beliefs which linked up with my low self-esteem”.
1. What are my limiting beliefs I don’t belong, I am not good enough, I am not clever, I need to please for people to like me, I’m scared of being rejected.
2. Which one has the most influence over you? I don’t belong. I always had a feeling inside of me that I never belonged that I was a bit different. I was constantly searching, trying, and pleasing others so I could feel like I belonged.
3. Why do you hold this belief? What evidence do you have to prove that it is true? I held this belief because I was adopted at birth. The evidence I didn’t belong was because I was in a family that wasn’t biologically mine. The evidence I had was obvious. I felt so different; no one looked like me, talked like me, laughed like me and had curly hair like me. I felt like I was constantly adjusting myself so I would be liked so I would feel like I belonged.
If you were raised by your biological family there is glue that binds you together. Its unspoken, unconditional glue and another name for it is blood. You’re genetically linked, a bloodline of ancestors, a placement in the order of nature. You are part of something bigger than you and it has been growing for generations. Biological is mystical, a knowing you are part of a heritage, you are related, and you belong. It is unnatural to be separated from your family of origin. You grow up feeling alone, cut off from the genetic and social heritage that gives everyone else roots and a sense of belonging.
4. What evidence do you have to prove to yourself that this belief is not necessarily true? I was adopted by parents who wanted to raise me as their daughter. I was not the only one adopted as they adopted seven in total from six nationalities around the world having had three biological children of their own first.
Empowering beliefs to move you forward
Having looked at your existing belief patterns below are some questions to ask your-self. Most people have a couple of deep core beliefs that take a commitment to move. Working with a professional and going on personal growth workshops can support you through this process. The less impacting beliefs you can work on yourself.
1. What would be more positive, empowering belief that could replace your old belief
2. What evidence do you have to support your new empowering belief?
3. What are you willing to do differently to integrate this new empowering belief into your life?
At the beginning of this book I explained you just have to say yes to want to change and not worry about the how. I said yes and contacted a professional who worked with me on my belief system. After some time she suggested a personal growth workshop which was most definitely the turning point for me. I completed many personal growth workshops and training as a life coach which all helped me to change my existing belief patterns.
1. What would be more positive, empowering belief that could replace your old belief: I do belong, no matter where I am and what I am doing I belong. I am meant to be here on this planet. To actually feel it is the key.
2. What evidence do you have to support your new empowering belief? I was born. I am married with three sons and am part of a very unique family. I am very successful in whatever I do and belong where ever I am. It’s a feeling inside of me regardless of where I am and what I am doing.
3. What are you willing to do differently to integrate this new empowering belief into your life? I choose to constantly support and encourage myself. Constantly love myself and tell myself I belong. I choose to no longer reject myself but to embrace all of me.
Your beliefs are what you think of yourself. Would you treat your friend the way you treat yourself. The answer would be no for a lot of people. Self-love is crucial for unblocking limiting beliefs. Love for yourself to continue until you have the right key for you is vital to “unlock all of U” Counsellors use various therapies to unblock beliefs so persistence is the key. Get comfortable being uncomfortable because therapy is not easy but so worth it to create the kind of person you want to be.
“Therapy is like an onion, peel back layer after layer of dysfunctional behaviour to reach your core.”