Most of us have relied on people and programs to motivate us and give us courage at some time in our lives. But the bottom line is that in the end, we each must motivate ourselves; there is no easy way around it. Victorious is about developing your own strength so that you can be successful, triumphant and the best version of yourself. It means becoming the number one person in your life, building up your self-esteem and recognising how awesome and brilliant you are which ripples thru into your marriage. Looking outside of yourself for your partner to do this will just set you up for disappointment, heartache and pain and a victim mentality.
Events occur in your marriage and sometimes we are played a card and it’s how we deal with it. It’s like that in marriage and it’s not always smooth sailing. If you are both victorious individuals it’s going to make for a long-lasting, happy contented union. You are not going to be co-dependent on your partner for your wellbeing or victim mentality.
It doesn’t matter whether you have always been victorious and are simply having a tough time with it now, or if you have never felt victorious. Think about whether you want to take charge of your life and whether you are ready to make changes.
Some people carry pain and hurt around without dealing with it. By entertaining thoughts, again and again, they hurt themselves over and over, reliving the pain, hurt and loss and thus becoming a victim.
Deciding to be victorious helps you to recover from the pain of your past. Living in the present is the key.
Being a victorious participant in your Marriage is a CHOICE
Self-empowerment involves developing your strength to enable you to be the driver in your life and marriage rather than a bystander. People become victorious by making a choice about what they want. Sometimes the choice can be that they just want their life to be different, their marriage to be different. The energy that they previously used to stay in the victim phase and nurture the baggage and the pain is instead used to live a more fulfilling, contented marriage. Ultimately that person becomes a participant and that is empowering. Victorious versus victim, it’s a choice.
“I had to make some changes in my life. No one else was able to do it for me. I didn’t know how, but I just had to trust and start.”
Remind yourself of the following every day. If you find it difficult to believe one of these points, write it as an affirmation on a piece of paper and put it up on your mirror or somewhere that will help you to be reminded of it often.
• Your life is a gift, unwrap your brilliance.
• Treasure every day you have with yourself and partner.
• Do your inner work, which is loving yourself.
• Do not blame your partner. It weakens you. You have no control over them.
• When you love yourself, then you can love others.
• Take action; no matter how small or large.
• Listen to yourself; really hear what your inner voice is saying.
• Validate your feelings.
• Don’t take things personally.
• Set boundaries.
• Take responsibility for your own actions.
• Have the courage to be you.
• Let life happily support you.
• Find and do what makes you passionate.
Identify and eliminate false, limiting and negative beliefs. Replace them with positive, supportive beliefs that help you to live authentically and reflect your dreams, hopes, goals and desires. Sounds simple however reality can be very different. Letting go of whatever is keeping you from moving forward is very important. Do whatever you need to do to embrace and face your pain and then let it go.
Trust in yourself that whatever you need at this moment will come to you. Perhaps it’s betrayal, not feeling supported, feeling unloved. Sharing with your partner about your fears is vital however sometimes your partner just may not be emotionally available to do this so staying positive and surround yourself with like-minded people can help a lot. See the best side of the challenges that you face – it’s about how you view things. In time a ripple effect can occur if you can be honest with yourself your partner may become more open to the challenges you are facing in your marriage.
5 tools for a Victorious Marriage
1. Embrace your strengths. Both of you brainstorm about what you are good at and ask each other for their opinions. Identify how you can use your strengths to support you and your partner on your journey to self-empowerment.
2. Spend time alone to connect with your breath. Close your eyes. Listen to the sound of your breath. Tell yourself that everything is possible and that whatever you want to achieve you will. Just slowing down and stop trying to figure your worries out and be a great place to stop the monkey mind.
3. Do an ‘I am…’ exercise. Tap gently on your chest while saying phrases such as: I am honest. I am caring. I am compassionate. I am hard-working. I am awesome. I am pretty. I am fabulous. I am intelligent. Repeating the words out loud while tapping is a great way to fill up your self-esteem to feel victorious.
4. Identify and improve on your weaknesses – it is as important as recognising your strengths. With practice and by allowing a change in your thinking, it will be empowering to accept your weaknesses without judgement. Be patient with yourself around your weaknesses and notice what happens on the inside of you. Also, look at little changes that you can make to work on your weaknesses. For example, if you are messy spend half an hour today tidying up after yourself. Asking your partner what you can improve on is a great way to shed light on this.
5. Recognise that you have choices and that you can make your own decisions even thou your married. This is victorious. It’s easy to feel like you are stuck and trapped, but when you become aware of the choices that you can make, you become stronger. Ask yourself questions about specific circumstances:
• What reasons do I have for continuing with the current situation?
• What are the benefits to me?
• What are the losses
• What is right for me and important for me in this present moment?
Feeling victorious in your marriage and in life takes time and it’s about enjoying the journey. Decide that it’s a process you want to embark on and begin to work on what you believe about yourself. Keep moving forward and little by little you will fuel yourself up and will know how awesome and empowered you are. The impact this is going to have on your marriage is immense. To no longer be a victim and to look outside of yourself for your partner to make you feel better is very empowering and it lets your partner off the hook. Simply it is a choice, victim or victorious marriage. Which do you choose?
Tune into to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. There’s a new podcast each week – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/