Your relationship with you photo

When I’m in session with clients I ask them what they are looking for and most say, peace, calmness, and their authentic self.  Some understand that you will not find what you are looking for out there.  The relationship, the house, car, the career, and the holiday. That it’s an inner job and it’s about finding it within yourself.  I find what happens is our thoughts get in the way and the truth is we are not our thoughts.

When you notice your thoughts, stop and recognise that something inside of you noticed your thoughts.  Ask who noticed them?  If you were your thoughts, you would not be able to notice them.

Living in the present moment is a state of active, open, intentional attention on being. True presence brings the realization that you are not your thoughts.

Living from the head up means you are constantly in your head and not in your body, you are disassociated from your body.  When in the head you are unable to separate your thoughts from who you are.  If you think you are your thoughts you may think you have to do what your thoughts tell you to do, which could be a disaster.

Your thoughts are just thoughts. You are more than the stream of thoughts going through your head at any given time.  As you learn to observe your thoughts you will find the pathway to a more peaceful way of living.

Notice your thinking

Recognise what you are thinking and the importance of replacing negative thoughts and beliefs with positive, more accurate ones. This will support and encourage you and help you to become self-empowered.

Do you use the following when you think about yourself?

  • Self-put downs: Do you over-react to a situation and put yourself down? I am such a dummy.
  • Mental filtering: Do you only focus on the negatives? Do you distort your opinion of a situation or a person because the negatives are all that you see? I made such a fool of myself because I made a mistake at the beginning of my speech.
  • All or nothing: Do you label events that occur in your life as either good or bad, with no in-between? If I do not get an A in my exam, then I am quitting.
  • Jumping to a negative conclusion: Do you reach a negative conclusion without any evidence? I must have done something to upset Sophie. She didn’t even wave at me when I drove past her in the parking lot yesterday.
  • Mistaking feelings for facts: Do you confuse your feelings with facts? I feel lost so I must be lost. I’m not feeling close to him so we will split up.
  • Not recognising positives: Do you act like achievements are unimportant? Do you recognise big and small personal accomplishments? I spent hours cooking the meal for my family to give them a healthy dinner, but it isn’t really a big deal. That’s what mums are supposed to do, isn’t it?

Your Relationship with you

Simply see the thoughts as thoughts.  I want you to get what you’re doing to yourself. Don’t try to stop your thoughts, just accept and notice them.  Observe them like you are watching a movie or seeing something for the first time that is separate from you.  You can separate from your thoughts; you are not your thoughts.

If you can let the thoughts pass on by on a superficial level, not giving them any energy, just noticing them you will stay in the present moment.  You don’t have to repress your thoughts, notice them, and don’t attach to them.  You don’t have to act on any thoughts you don’t wish too.  Instead, check within if it’s aligned with your values and coming from a place of love and compassion.

It doesn’t matter how many questions you ask about the future or how much you worry about the past, you will never be able to out-think what is either going to happen or has already happened, you cannot control this.  Because of this, anxiety-ridden thinking that is generated from fear will not create peace or solve the problems you worry about.

Main points on how to free yourself from your thoughts

  1. Remember you have a choice to observe your thoughts.
  2. Have a conversation with yourself.
  3. Talk to your thoughts. They are not bigger than you. They are your thoughts, not you.
  4. Your thoughts do not control you; you have a choice and can choose your thoughts.

Living in the present moment is a state of active, open, intentional attention on being. True presence brings the realization that you are not your thoughts.

Tune into to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth. Your Relationship with You –

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