From feeling trapped to deep loving growth
“I feel trapped, caged, controlled and stifled.” This is not an uncommon statement I hear in my room from couples I’m working with.
I explain to be free of the relationship might help for a time but the best path to personal growth and self-empowerment is to stay with the one you love.
When you are on your own it’s easy, however, there is no personal growth. You can control who you see, when and how much you want to be part of this. They say nice things and leave when you have had enough. In a relationship, your partner can trigger you and push all your buttons and give you what you need to heal.
The trick is being able to use your experiences in a positive way. If you leave you would cut off your own potential for growth.
The purpose of committed relationships is to enable each partner to develop to their fullest potential. Even conflict, rather than being an entirely negative force, is seen as just a sign that growth is trying to happen.
Here are 5 ways to build a stronger relationship and meet your deepest needs together.
1. Be clear about the purpose of your relationship
Take a while to look at your relationship as an amazing opportunity to help you both reach your full potential. Explore your differences together, in a constructive way, and you can find ways in which you can help each other to grow.
The partner who is spiritual and deep can help their more emotionally reserved partner see more magic in the world. A partner who is safe and dependable can help their more extravagant partner learn to be comfortable with financial planning.
2. Create a vision for your relationship
If you are travelling a road together, it’s so much better to be pulling in the same direction. Spend some time looking at what you both most want out of your life together.
Ask your partner to talk about their dreams, and without commenting on them, simply mirror back their words to show you have heard them. You will find that as the list grows some things you will both want, and some you will be happy for your partner to have.
3. Learn about non-blaming
It’s very easy to blame for the limitations in your life. Your partner can be the strongest resource for your self-growth. Explore your differences with your partner, in a non-judgmental way.
By looking at the stories and your personal histories which lie underneath conflicts, you can learn more about each other. Often, that leads to finding ways you can each stretch into new ways of being, but with the full loving support of your partner.
4. Be patient
Difficulties in your relationship particularly feeling trapped and stifled is not going to be solved overnight. We all want the love the security of knowing that it’s all going to be alright in the end. That’s where it is important for both partners to take time to let each other know how much they love each other, whatever the outcome.
5. Pay attention to the other’s needs
If you are looking for a radical change in your relationship both to life and to your relationship the key is to share this. If you are on the receiving end of this learning to listen and stretch yourself to understand your partner’s needs can be helpful.
This part can be particularly successful with a professional who is skilled at creating safe and supportive dialogues about things that really matter. But the secret is to become curious about your partner, and as they talk about their needs, or even their frustrations, just listen. If you speak at all, it might be to show you have heard, by repeating it back, or by gently asking them to go a little deeper and share more.
Keep your focus on what is going on for your partner and try to let go of whatever reactions you have, because they will just obscure your ability to see. This kind of listening and acceptance is the start of deep and loving growth.
Seek out a professional if you have hit a roadblock and no growth is occurring.
Tune in to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth.
From feeling trapped to deep loving growth – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/