When do you say I do? Marriage can be one of the biggest decisions of your life and should not be rushed. Sometimes I sit with couples and wonder why they got married in the first place. They committed to someone who was displaying behaviour that worried them, upset them however they got married anyway.
Commitment is a mindset. Your behaviour should reflect this mindset.
I believe it’s crucial for couples to have premarital counselling so it can help couples make an informed decision about their commitment to one another and commitment comes before anything else.
How do you know if you’re not committed? Some signs:
- Flirting with someone else
- Threatening to end the relationship
- Keeping major secrets from your partner
- Not trying in the relationship
- Having an affair
- Wanting to have a break from the relationship
- Communicating intimately with someone else
- Indecision about life goals, e.g. starting a family
- Wanting the relationship on certain terms.
What is commitment?
Commitment is black and white. You are either committed or you’re not. When you commit you are saying you are the person I choose. No matter what difficulties we face individually or as a couple I will be there for you. My behaviour and actions will reflect that I have chosen to be with you and be committed to you.
Commitment keeps you on your path together. Yes, sometimes the path will be very turbulent and testing. Taking personal responsibility for meeting your own needs within the context of walking together on your path.
Knowing when to commit
- Loving each other
- Physical attraction
- Similar values
- Bringing out the best in each other
- Accepting each other’s faults
- Wanting a future together
- Time together in everyday life (reality and routine)
- Enjoying each other’s company
- When you are out of the bubble of love
Be aware of the bubble of love
Early stages of a new relationship you are in a bubble so to say “I do” is not advisable. The bubble is to protect you both, to focus on each other and the two of you float along with no anchor to the outside world. Just lots of loving and being flooded with love hormones. The brain releases chemicals as you come in to contact with your mate and you just want more of it. After the bubble pops you slowly start making plans for the future and ideally enter a mature, relationship with love, intimacy and commitment.
Prevention is better than cure. If you are contemplating marriage or a committed relationship be very sure of this decision.
Tune into to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This week’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth. When do you say I do – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/